It’s sad but it will happen! Can I just be honest for a few minutes? You will be talked about, hated on, and for those who smile in your face just know that it is not because they actually like you. When you start accomplishing those dreams and goals you have, and they are being noticed worldwide it can be tough knowing who is really for you.

That song by the O’Jays.. They smile in your face.. All the Time They want to Take your place.. Backstabbers. You can’t avoid it dealing with people. Sometimes I just want to crawl under a rock and be hidden for a while because of the attacks but I have a few things I want to share with you.

1. Stay mindful of your emotions.
Dealing with someone who rubs you the wrong way can have a negative effect on your own emotions. A toxic person can drive you crazy . . . but only if you let them. Remember, only you have power over your emotional state. Don’t allow a negative or toxic person to influence your state of mind. That doesn’t mean that you ignore the person or disregard how they make you feel. Recognize that your emotions, such as irritation and annoyance, are scaling up. If someone is making you angry, let yourself feel that emotion and then let those feelings dissipate. And remember, sometimes all you need to do is smile and nod. There’s no need to engage.

2. Choose tact over temper.
Learn to cultivate a diplomatic poker face — this is key in learning to treat all people with civility and politeness. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with someone you dislike or go along with what they say. You just need to maintain a consistent level of decorum when interacting with them.

3. Don’t take it personally.
Often people do what they do because of themselves, not because of you. They may be reacting to something in their own circumstances, and it’s just a coincidence that you ended up in their crosshairs.

4. Rise above the irrational.
It’s easy to react emotionally to a toxic person, especially if their behavior seems ridiculous and frustrating. But, if you stoop to their level and become embroiled in disputes, you may also be labeled a troublemaker. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you or allow yourself to be consumed by their antics. Remember that you don’t need to respond to their chaos. You can choose to rise above it by focusing on facts and rational responses. Point out specific issues or problems if need be, but do so diplomatically.

5. Calmly express your feelings.
Often, it’s the way we communicate that leads to bigger problems. If someone’s behavior and communication style annoys you, it may be time to have an honest talk about how you feel. The key is to do so calmly and in a nonconfrontational but assertive way.
Non-accusatory language involves making I statements. The goal is to clearly and non-aggressively express how you feel and their role in your current state without blaming them. One formula you can use goes like this: “When you _____, I feel _____. Please do this instead: _______.”
Be as specific as possible when telling someone which behaviors make you upset and what you would like them to do to correct the problem. And, once you’ve expressed yourself, be open to hearing their side.

6. Pick your battles.
Not all things are worth your time and attention. Sometimes dealing with a noxious person is like reasoning with a toddler in a tantrum: They just don’t deserve your energy or engagement. Ask yourself if you really want to get caught in a protracted argument about an issue you can sidestep. Is the ultimate benefit worth the challenge? Do you have more to lose than win?

Consider if the issue is situational, in which case it may dissolve or dissipate with time. Also, sometimes a quarrelsome person serves to benefit us in other ways. It may be in your best interest to put up with their idiosyncrasies if they are helping you more than hurting you.

So what have you learned from reading this? I want to hear your feedback?

Ronne B

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